What a Relief

The more I seek my own self improvement, on all levels (mental, physical, and spiritual), the more I have come to realize the vital importance of stress relief as a part of my daily training.  Ask just about anyone what they know concerning the effects of stress, and they will tell you that "stress can kill you," but it does a myriad of other degradation along the way.  The path of stress is not a quick course to the grave; it is a long and agonizing way to put yourself under. It's also nearly unavoidable.  However, you can always choose how you're going to deal with it so that you can reduce or negate its effects.

Stress can manifest as physical problems like chronic pain or fatigue, elevated blood pressure, and gained weight that won't go away.  It can cause mental and emotional problems like anxiety, anger, and depression.  The build up of stresses can block our spiritual path leading us to self-sabotage, self-doubt, and even abandonment of our goals and dreams.  Stress has become so pervasive in our lives that we're willing to write it off as "the norm" and accept the problems that can arise  rather that addressing the issue itself.

I often talk to clients who are suffering with physical or mental issues that are clearly stress induced, and when I ask them "What do you do for stress relief every day?" they'll respond with "I don't have time to deal with it every day."  But what if just a little "work" on your stress relief reduced your pain and fatigue to the point where you could actually finish goals you've set for yourself?  Is that not worth it?  What if the little bit of conscious, purposeful stress relief is the missing element  in your current plan of action that would allow you to reach your success?

Here's a great example, and I use this one because it turned out to be true for me.  Let's say you want to lose some weight. You track your exercise, food, calories, water, vitamins, and hormone levels religiously, but nothing works.  The harder you work at it the more you actually gain weight.  You're being healthy, you're being active, you're being hydrated, and your doctor says there's no physical reason why you can't lose weight.  What's wrong?  Too much stress, not enough relief.  No matter how healthy you work at being, your body feels the stress and holds on to every ounce of water and fat to keep you protected from the pervasive threat you're always feeling.  This makes it feel like all your hard work is for nothing, so you give up.

Now, let's say you add little daily stress management to your exercise, healthy food, vitamins, and filtered lemon water.  The change can be dramatic.  When something you do is successful that, in and of itself, is a form of stress relief that can lead to even greater successes.

How can you find the right stress management to add to your programs?  It's very individual, but the key is, it must be conscious and purposeful.  You need to be aware within your process, so things like watching TV and playing internet games, while entertaining and not stressful, are not effective for stress relief.  The most effective stress relief will allow you to remain in the moment with them.  Some examples of things you can do that can help you stay in the moment: play with your dog or your child (and that means stop everything, be in that moment, and enjoy the play), sing, dance, write in a journal, do a senses walk, grow plants, meditate, do just 5 minutes of deep breathing, soak in the bath tub while doing your deep breathing.  There are tons more, and what works for you is going to be totally individual to you and what fills you with joy and freedom.  The key is to choose an active form of stress relief rather than a passive relaxation that shuts your brain off.  Stay engaged in your stress relief process.  Do at least one purposeful stress management activity every day.  It could make all the difference in attaining those goals that seem just a little out of reach.  It could also help you live longer.  And if you're going to live longer, you might as well feel good and be happy while you're at it.

Time and Tide

Time and tide wait for no man.  I know that.  I am watching that very fact play out before my eyes.  Yet here I am, waiting...waiting.... Waiting in numb, shocked silence.  Waiting for what?  I don't know for certain.  For the silence to become the earth shattering scream I expected?  For the end of the world to have the good grace to come the way I thought it would when my mother died?  Of course, I knew the world wouldn't end, but in every fiber of my being, I truly felt it would.

For those who know me, or who follow my posts in social media, you'll have heard the news, several months ago now, that my mother passed away after not one, not two, but three intensive battles with cancer.  It's not that we didn't see it coming.  We did.  But that doesn't make her death any less untimely.  We had all shaped our future with the expectation that she'd be in it: myself, my family, her friends, her colleagues and co-workers, we were holding open a space for plans we hoped she would fulfill.  She's gone, none the less.   What do we do now with that great, gaping hole?

Everyone feels this way when their mother dies, don't they?  I'm guessing here, because I've lost plenty of friends and family members in my life, but only one mother.  This is like no grief I've ever known.

There are many types of bonds between mothers and daughters, but for me, my mother was the one person in all creation who truly understood me. She knew me from the brightest peaks to the darkest depths of my soul.  She knew what to say, when to say it, and how to say it, even when I didn't know myself.  I am blessed in that I feel deeply loved in many aspects of relationships that I have with people in my life.  But there is a big difference between love and understanding.  Mom understood!  She just knew.  All of those things I could never put into words, she could express in a single sentence.  It was a soul level knowing that I may never experience again in this life.

I have always been, at the very core of my being, free-spirited.  I see the world a little differently.  I always have.  I am a ship that rides wild currents, that often, others cannot even see, but my mother, she was my lighthouse. Without her, I am cast adrift.  To me, she was the Oracle at Delphi, The Library of Alexandria, and the guiding light of the North Star all rolled into one.  How do I plot a course without her?  Where was I going, anyway?  Do I even want to go there if we can't go together?

Painfully, inexorably, time marches on.  Mother used to always say "This too shall pass," in times of adversity.  It gave me a lot of strength in the past, but feels incredibly hollow now.  I see the world is moving.  I see that the worst has already come to pass.  I know that I can only move forward.  I can not honor her parting by standing still.  But for this moment, for just a little bit longer, I am waiting.  Where do I go from here?  I no longer know how to find the shore.

Perhaps in the new year I'll be able to impart some wisdom about health, wholeness, or the journey to inner peace.  I have always hoped my words will inspire others in a positive way, whether subtle or profound.  But right at this moment, I'm so far off from my center, I can not inspire anyone.  But maybe I can tell my story.  I can share this tiny sliver of my grief  in pale and empty thought forms, mere shadows compared to the demon I tried to describe.  Maybe that story can reach others in the depth of despair and for just a moment, perhaps they will know that they are not alone.  Sometimes you have to be still in the darkness.  It's OK to feel broken, even for very spiritual people.  Sometimes, the only thing you can do is wait, weeping as the world passes you by.  Because this too shall pass...isn't that right, Mom?