Time and Tide

Time and tide wait for no man.  I know that.  I am watching that very fact play out before my eyes.  Yet here I am, waiting...waiting.... Waiting in numb, shocked silence.  Waiting for what?  I don't know for certain.  For the silence to become the earth shattering scream I expected?  For the end of the world to have the good grace to come the way I thought it would when my mother died?  Of course, I knew the world wouldn't end, but in every fiber of my being, I truly felt it would.

For those who know me, or who follow my posts in social media, you'll have heard the news, several months ago now, that my mother passed away after not one, not two, but three intensive battles with cancer.  It's not that we didn't see it coming.  We did.  But that doesn't make her death any less untimely.  We had all shaped our future with the expectation that she'd be in it: myself, my family, her friends, her colleagues and co-workers, we were holding open a space for plans we hoped she would fulfill.  She's gone, none the less.   What do we do now with that great, gaping hole?

Everyone feels this way when their mother dies, don't they?  I'm guessing here, because I've lost plenty of friends and family members in my life, but only one mother.  This is like no grief I've ever known.

There are many types of bonds between mothers and daughters, but for me, my mother was the one person in all creation who truly understood me. She knew me from the brightest peaks to the darkest depths of my soul.  She knew what to say, when to say it, and how to say it, even when I didn't know myself.  I am blessed in that I feel deeply loved in many aspects of relationships that I have with people in my life.  But there is a big difference between love and understanding.  Mom understood!  She just knew.  All of those things I could never put into words, she could express in a single sentence.  It was a soul level knowing that I may never experience again in this life.

I have always been, at the very core of my being, free-spirited.  I see the world a little differently.  I always have.  I am a ship that rides wild currents, that often, others cannot even see, but my mother, she was my lighthouse. Without her, I am cast adrift.  To me, she was the Oracle at Delphi, The Library of Alexandria, and the guiding light of the North Star all rolled into one.  How do I plot a course without her?  Where was I going, anyway?  Do I even want to go there if we can't go together?

Painfully, inexorably, time marches on.  Mother used to always say "This too shall pass," in times of adversity.  It gave me a lot of strength in the past, but feels incredibly hollow now.  I see the world is moving.  I see that the worst has already come to pass.  I know that I can only move forward.  I can not honor her parting by standing still.  But for this moment, for just a little bit longer, I am waiting.  Where do I go from here?  I no longer know how to find the shore.

Perhaps in the new year I'll be able to impart some wisdom about health, wholeness, or the journey to inner peace.  I have always hoped my words will inspire others in a positive way, whether subtle or profound.  But right at this moment, I'm so far off from my center, I can not inspire anyone.  But maybe I can tell my story.  I can share this tiny sliver of my grief  in pale and empty thought forms, mere shadows compared to the demon I tried to describe.  Maybe that story can reach others in the depth of despair and for just a moment, perhaps they will know that they are not alone.  Sometimes you have to be still in the darkness.  It's OK to feel broken, even for very spiritual people.  Sometimes, the only thing you can do is wait, weeping as the world passes you by.  Because this too shall pass...isn't that right, Mom?

Five Minute Meditation

Anyone who has become part of the Yoga community or begun their personal journey toward inner peace has heard about the benefits of meditation.  It helps you focus, clears your mind, helps you sleep, helps you relax and release tension, improves your cognitive and intuitive abilities, reduces stress, lowers your blood pressure, and so much more.  So many of my students talk about wanting to incorporate more meditation into their lives.  So what's stopping them?  Why aren't we all meditative masters?

I think part of the issue is that we don't have a routine for it.  Many people feel like meditation needs to involve an hour (or maybe even more) of sitting and struggling to achieve the still and quiet mind and body.  I feel like that's similar to asking someone to jump off the high dive before they even know how to swim.  Meditation can start as a simply relaxation practice that you do once or twice a day.  You can do this when you wake up, when you go to sleep, or anytime that you have a few minutes for yourself. It can take as little as 5 minutes, and you will still get all the benefits you desire.

Here's my Five Minute Meditation.  Make sure you're in a place where you can be alone for just a few minutes.  I would not recommend doing this while standing or engaged in an activity like driving, because you will not be paying attention outside of your body.  Start by sitting up very straight and tall.  Place your feet flat on the floor.  Many people focus better when their eyes are closed, but you don't have to close them if you don't want to.  Bring your focus to your breathing. Breathe in through your nose.  Breathe out through your mouth.  As you breathe, think to yourself "breathe in, breathe out."  You can say this softly to yourself or just hold the thoughts in your mind.  Thinking "breathe in, breathe out" as you do the action helps connect your mind and body.  It also helps quiet the mind chatter.  You can also think "breathe in, breathe out.  relax, release" if you would rather.

As you continue quietly saying this little mantra and breathing in through the nose and out through the mouth, imagine a bright, warm, white light pouring into your body from above the crown of your head.  It flows all the way down your body filling every space, organ, joint, and cell all the way down to the soles of your feet.  If you are not a visual person, try to imagine the feeling of warmth pouring over you and filling your being.  It doesn't have to be an image, and there is no need to struggle with it if the image isn't there.  Once you are filled with the warm, comforting, white light, let it drain completely way through the bottoms of your feet down into the earth, carrying away any tension or pain you feel, where it is release and resolved outside of your body.  Focus into the center of your chest, where the heart chakra is.  Focus on the feelings of joy, happiness, laughter and allow those feelings to spread, filling all of the empty space left behind when the white light drained away.  Then you simply say "Thank You," and end your meditation.

That's all there is to it.  You can take as little as 5 minutes or as long as an hour to do this if you choose.  But there is absolutely no excuse not to incorporate this very simple, short exercise into your daily practice.  You may be very surprised how much you gain from so little effort on your path toward inner peace.  Breathe in.  Breath out.  Relax.  Release.

Equinox: Striking the Balance

This past Saturday was the Autumnal Equinox, the official first day of Fall.  Up here, in the Seattle area of the Pacific Northwest, Fall literally happened over night.  All week it was warm and sunny like Summer.  I woke up Friday morning to the cool, overcast weather that is typically associated with Western Washington, and all the leaves had turned.  Just like that, Instant Fall!  I suspect most areas experience a less sudden and dramatic change of seasons.  Where I grew up, in Florida, you start to notice Fall about the time it should be starting Winter.  I've lived in this region for almost a decade, and it still amazes me that Fall happens right on cue rather than gradually sneaking up on you some time around Thanksgiving.  However, the Equinox happens everywhere, heralding the start of Autumn, whether it feels like it or not.

What actually happens on the Equinox is the hours of the day are perfectly balanced to the hours of the night: they are equal in length, "Equinox."  In honor of this occasion, I feel it appropriate to examine the value of balance in daily life and the part it plays on the road to inner peace.

For someone like me, a Yoga, Pilates, and Dance Instructor, the word "balance" is so second nature and integral to my thoughts as to be easily taken for granted.  I recently stood in for a fellow Yoga instructor, and her class commented on how much of a balance element there was in my class.  It surprised and challenged them.  I was surprised it was so unfamiliar for them, but every teacher is different.  We have our strengths and weakness, and we will tend to teach toward our strengths.  As a former ballet dancer, balance is my strength.

In a broader scope, truly, where there is balance, there is harmony.  This applies to all aspects of life.  When something is out of balance, there is discord.  Bringing things into balance creates ease and joy.  I would like to suggest that now, at the balance of the seasons, is the ideal time to examine the aspects of your life that need to be balanced.  Is your health in balance?  Do you balance active pursuits with enough restful time?  Is your work life balanced with a healthy dose of recreation?  Do you balance social life and solitude?  Is your income balanced by your expenditure, a balanced budget, as it were?  If you are a very giving person, as most spiritual folk are, do you balance it with the ability to freely receive?  The list goes on and on. I challenge you to take a few moments to look at what areas of your life are filled with discord, pain, fear, stress, or anything else that essentially equals being out of balance. What would it take to bring those things into balance, to fill that area of your life with pleasure, harmony, and ease?  Begin taking steps to bring that balance back into your areas of discord.  You don't have to make the change over night, like the seasons of the Pacific Northwest.  You can always choose a gentle change, but at least take the first steps.  Bring the right balance into your being, and figure out what you need to do to keep it that way for life.

End of August

August has been a very busy month.  For me, it has been a roller coaster: the good, the bad, and the weird all rolled into one. I would like to take this moment to remind everyone to notice and be thankful for the small joys in your life.  Even when things don't go your way or when troubles overwhelm you, there is always something, no matter how small, to be thankful for.  Just take a moment to figure out what that is or what those things are and hold on to those thoughts.  Create a joyful space in your heart and mind.  Give yourself permission to touch that reserve of inner peace.  Remind yourself that it is always there.

I've got one last class that I'm offering before Labor Day.  I'll be taking the Labor Day weekend off, but I'll be back to teach All Levels Yoga Flow on Tuesday.  I've got an All Levels Mat Pilates class in Canyon Park (Bothell, WA) at 5:30pm today.  It's my last class to offer in August, and I promise it will be super fun and an awesome work out!  Peace, Love, Light, and Happy Labor Day!

An Attitude of Gratitude

I am seeing more and more people embrace gratitude and thankfulness as a way of life.  I feel that this principle should be integral to our Yoga journey toward balance and unity.  In the spirit of gratitude, I would like to take a moment to say “thank you.”  Thank you for visiting my blog, most especially if you also happen to read it.  Thank you for your comments and feedback both publicly and privately.  I value them greatly.  Thank you to all of my students: those who have been, those who are, and those who will be.  I learn from you as much as I teach you.  Thank you to all the other teachers out there for spreading enlightenment in our communities.  Of course, I mean teachers of all kinds when I say this.  Thank you to all those who have read, bought, and supported my book, Kundlini Rising. I wrote every word for YOU!  I hope my words inspire, comfort, lead, teach, heal, and up lift each of you.  Thank you to Kitsune Books for publishing my little book and believing it worthy of a second edition.

I cannot imagine a more perfect time to fill your soul with the attitude of gratitude than this lovely Summer Solstice.  What are you feeling grateful for today?  Whom would you like to thank?  I hope that you will take a moment to reflect on this.  If you should feel compelled to write it down or speak it out loud, I would consider that even better.  Maybe it will feel so good that you will do it again tomorrow and then each day that follows.  Share that feeling with those around you until we all live our lives filled with the joy of gratitude.  Namaste.